What sort of parent are you?

See what sort of parent you are AND WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW by answering the following questions in these 3 parts.

Part one

Do you have set rules that you follow with a degree of flexibility?

Do you spend time with your child on a regular basis?

Are you a good role model for your child?

Do you use consequences for unwanted behaviour?

Do you encourage your child to be independent?

Are you mindful to try to make your child feel good about their self?

Do you spend time with your child on a regular basis?

Do you encourage your child to try different things?

Do you feel positive about your child‟s behaviour and trust them to behave well in public?

Do you try to raise your child‟s self esteem?

Do you give praise when your child does something good?


Part 2

Are you overbearing to your child and try to be right all the time?

Do you shout at your child to get them to do what you want?

Do you belittle your child to try to get them to do what you want?

Do you shame or humiliate your child into submission?

Do you use physical punishments such a smacking to control your child‟s behaviour?

Do you get angry with your children?

Are you very critical of your child?

Do you seldom or never praise your child even when they behave well?

Do you find it hard to show affection?

Do you have strict routines and never compromise them?

Part 3

Do you give in to your child‟s demands just because you don‟t want to fight and lose again?

Do you ask your child to do something and not follow it up to make sure that they do it?

Do you say you will do something with your child and not keep your word?

Do you give your child age appropriate chores to do in the home?

Do you sit back and let the other parent try to handle your child‟s behaviour?

Do you use consequences for misbehaviour infrequently or never?

Does your child rule the roost?

Are you over indulgent with your child?

Do you give your child what they want even when they have been misbehaving?


Results;

Mostly part one;

You are a Positive Parent

Positive parents who have well behaved children expect their children to behave well,
Positive parents are sure that they can handle their children‟s behaviour and they have an air of confidence with their children, they are reliable, trustworthy and dependable and their children know where they stand with them. They keep their children safe and secure and nurture their spirit. They are good role models and inspire their children to learn about themselves and the world in which they live.

Mostly part two;

You are a Strict parent

Strict or authoritarian parents use punishments to try to deter misconduct, but this merely makes the child more cautious in committing his crime, more skilful in concealing his traces and more determined to escape detection. When a child is punished he will simply decide to be more careful not to get caught, and not to be more honest and responsible as we would hope. Strict parents use fear based, demeaning punishments such as smacking, which have no learning value in them and they make everyone feel bad.
 
Mostly part three;

You are a leinient parent.Lenient parents like most of us want a peaceful life and in order to try and get it they let their children, for the most part, do what ever they want in hope that they will grow out of the unwanted behaviour "soon". They are likely to have little structure to the day and have low standards for their children. They may tolerate childish behaviours or be overindulgent, giving the children too many things and attention regardless of their misbehaviour.

Find out why it is essential to be a positive parent if you want your child to behave well AND EXACTLY HOW TO DO IT in the 'A Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour', Ebook, FIND OUT MORE http://bit.ly/PGCBBOOK

Best wishes

Ruth
Do you make rules and not keep them?

Child Behaviour Direct: Child Behaviour Course

Child Behaviour Direct: Child Behaviour Course

Child Behaviour Course

This Saturday 22^nd January my Parent’s Guide to Children’s Behaviour 1 day course is on in Stafford 9.30-4.00. It’s an essential guide for today’s modern parent!!

For more details and to book your place please visit the website…. http://bit.ly/efMXqz  or email me at childbehaviour@aol.com

Please let everyone know, email friends and send round this poster or print it out for your work place or nursery.  CBD Poster PDF.pdf

I don’t like sales talk; I’m no good at it, so why not just read what one happy mum said;

The course really helped me to think about how I approach the situation with my children. I realise that I do not follow through with my boys like I thought I did. Now when I say things to the boys they know I mean it and follow through with it. I am much calmer with them and the positive feedback given to them has been so beneficial. The help and tips that Ruth has given me have been very beneficial. I know that I am a better mom because of her advice and helpfulness!!" H.

I really hope to see you there.

Ruth

She pokes the baby in the eye!

 Hi,

Just before Christmas I wrote to everyone on my email list asking for their questions and I received some really good ones, here is one you may relate too.

One mum wrote;

Thank you for your email. Firstly could I have some advice on how to deal with my 2 1/2 year little girl, as she keeps on poking my baby girl of 3 months in the eye. And when she gets cross, she tips things over....! Could you please give me some tips on how to stop this behaviour!
 

My Reply;

Thanks for your question.  I have had many replies from parents of 2 1/2 year olds, it is definitely an age when young children are starting to push their boundaries and their luck and a really great time for parent's to set off on the right track with their children regarding handling their behaviour.

There are a few things to suggest with regards poking the baby in the eye;

• Depending on when it is happening, for example if you are feeding the baby and she is trying to get your attention, you could try a few things such as give her, her own doll to look after, I did this with my daughter when my son was born and she would get her doll and bath, feed or dress her baby alongside me when I was looking after my son, it worked a treat.
• Keep her busy and save a bag of interesting toys for her to play with at feeding time, changing time and tell her she can play with these toys while mummy feeds baby
• Sit her by you and read her a story while you feed the baby, this way if she is occupied when you are busy with the baby she is less likely to feel jealous and take it out on the baby.
• Praise her every time she is kind to the baby so that she feels good about the baby and encourage her to be kind and do little jobs like pass mummy the baby’s blanket. This way she will feel helpful and you have an opportunity to praise her. 
• If she is poking the baby when you are not looking, you are best to keep her away as much as you can and make sure she is not on her own with the baby.
• Use a consequence for the unwanted behaviour by nipping the problem in the bud and using quiet time. (please see the guidelines on my website)

• With regards to the tipping things over, would you consider her behaviour more like a tantrum for not getting her own way? If so check out my tantrum video has loads of tips for you.  http://www.childbehaviourdirect.com/stop-tantrums-video-2954.html 

A few weeks later I had some really nice feedback from the same mom saying that the tips had worked a treat which is always great to know…

Have you had similar experiences with your children?  Let me know if you use these tips and how you get on, please leave your comments belowJ

Best wishes

Ruth

Free Parenting Programme

      

Hi Everyone and a very Happy New Year to you all!

I must say that I like New Year and always feel that it is a time that I can really start as I mean to go on and make some positive changes. I am really looking forward to helping more parent's this year who would love to improve their children's behaviour because it is my passion and I know how easy it can be..

So with all the January sales around and to kick start the New Year I have decided to have a sale myself, but with 100% off, it's better than any shop sale that I know.

I am offering TWO FREE SPACES on my Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour Online Programme.  If you would like to TRANSFORM your child's behaviour, all you have to do is to send me an email childbehaviour@aol.com telling me why you would like to take part and on Monday 10th January I will choose two parent's to work directly with me for 4 weeks.

Here are some of the things that you will discover from my 4 week child behaviour programme

---Why children behave the way that they do including the common things parent’s do that make their children’s behaviour worse so that you can avoid them.

---A step by step guide of exactly how to improve your child’s behaviour.

---How to reduce the stress of unwanted behaviour and have more fun together as a family.

---How to help your child to reach their full potential, be happier and more confident

Plus you will have other bonuses and free email support directly from me, to help you to get from where you are to where you want to be with your children.

Please email me as soon as you can and feel free to share this with your friends..

Best wishes

Ruth Edensor

childbehaviour@aol.com



 

She doesn't like Santa :(

In response to my email this week asking you to send me your questions. I have picked this very topical question to answer, however it does tie in with some of the other questions that were related to children being unhappy with new and different situations, which means you can relate it to your own child’s situation.

Here is one parent’s question;

“My 3 1/2 year old daughter seems to be scared of everything, she doesn’t like

Santa, she was chosen to be Mary in the nativity but is doing nothing because she's

scared of being on stage. a boy at nursery was wearing a spiderman mask for fancy

dress n even thou she knew who it was I struggled to get her there the next day

in case he wore it again. I really have tried to be reassuring and have empathised

with her but its sooo frustrating to see her miss out on so much because of this. So

do I carry on letting her have so much fear in hope it’s a phase she'll grow out

of? Or is there something I can do to change the way she reacts to such events?

Hope to hear from u soon, as Santa is coming to nursery next week n would love

her to enjoy the experience.”

I can really understand your frustration of not wanting your daughter to miss out on these activities and be frightened of things.

I have seen this sort of anxiety in a lot with young children, however there are things that you can do to help her to change the way that she reacts to these situations. Here are a few tips that can be used as a general guideline for you to adapt to your daughters needs and circumstance.  As Santa comes to nursery this week I do hope that they help a little, even if it means you are going in the right direction and she grows in confidence.

Let’s look at what can make the situation worse or prolong it.

·         Accidentally rewarding the behaviour, by giving it too much attention, too much fuss, hugs and cuddles can mean that it is a good thing to make a fuss.

·         Reacting too much to her insecurity, for example if you try too hard to talk her out of it or to get her to do something, it can make things worse by making her feel more self conscious.

·         Making her feel bad or humiliated, by using or saying negative things like “Don’t be silly” or “Look at Tommy he will do it”, or making negative remarks after the event such as “You should have smiled you looked miserable”.

Things that you can do to change the way she reacts to the situation.

·         Stay calm and try not to react in a nervous way yourself, if you stay calm she is far more likely to stay calm herself.

·         Use empathy, making sure it is not too much, just make a comment such as “Do you feel nervous, that’s OK it’s normal to feel a little nervous”.

·         Reassure her and again don’t overdo it and rather than say you will be alright if you do it, if possible, say it’s ok if you don’t want to do it this time , this way you are giving her the option and she will feel more in control.

·         Trust that she will join in, because once you send out the signals that you trust her and you are at ease, she will feel calmer which will help her to join in.  Children are very sensitive to their parent’s anxiety so try hard to focus on feeling positive yourself and not so much on her anxiety, and then she will pick up on that and relax more.  You can do this by having a positive mindset, and changing any negative thoughts that you have into positive ones such as, ‘I think she will enjoy this and join in a little today’.

·         Praise her attempts no matter how small even if she just stands on the stage as Mary, tell her how great she was at.

·         Reward her efforts and remember that children will do more of what they get attention for, so it is vital that you reward the behaviour that you want for example, offer to do something that she likes because she tried really hard.

·         Take things a baby step at a time by looking at the bigger picture and working towards her really enjoying Christmas nativities and Santa more next year perhaps.

Here’s an example;

While working in a nursery of 20 children 3 and 4 year olds I would see lots of children anxious at trying new things.  For example, we would have PE (physical education) in the hall all together which was great fun but it could be quiet daunting for some children.  There would always be a few new ones that would cry and not want to join in at the start of the new term.  I found that the best thing to do was to let them sit on the bench and watch for a while. 

While a few children would join in if they had a little encouragement, if I saw that they were getting anxious I would reassure them that it is fine if they want to sit and watch the others for a while and that they could come and join in when you are ready. If they got off the bench I would ask them to sit down and wait until we has finished PE, this way they were not accidentally rewarding with doing something else they would prefer.

Periodically I would give them smile put my hand out and ask you like to join now?  When they were ready whether it was in a few minutes or after a few sessions, they would get up and join in. 

The situations that you mentioned have happened at nursery, so make sure you talk to the staff about them, let them know about spiderman and his mask as they may ask him to take it off, it was always my policy not to allow masks as they can upset lots of children.  I know you can’t make the rules at nursery but keep them informed it should help. 

If you like this tip and would like more why not download my book; http://bit.ly/CBDBOOK 

All the best Ruth

Child Behaviour Tips

Ask for what you want (all ages)

There are definitely ways of saying things to children that can encourage them to do as you ask.  For example, saying ‘”will you” or “would you” can encourage teamwork by giving children a feeling that they are being invited to participate and that you trust them to do what you ask.

On the other hand by saying ‘”can you” or “could you”, children may think to themselves, “Well yes I can do it, but why should I?” or say “Yes I could do it if I wanted but I don’t want to”.

Sometimes it is not so much what we say to children but how we say it. You will need to ask in a positive way while being respectful and using a pleasant tone. If you were talking to other adults such as our work colleagues, you would be respectful and speak politely. Yet sometimes when we are talking to children we seem to talk to them in a more negative, bossy way and even aggressively sometimes.  For example, you may say to your child “can you hurry up and put those things away” yet to a colleague or other adult you may say “please would you put those things away”.  By adopting the same respect that you would give to adults, children will feel validated and happier to oblige.

What you say to your children has one of the biggest impacts on your children’s behaviour.

 It is a simple thing to do, it has instant results and the children don’t even know you are doing it. As I have mentioned our brains are like a computer and will reach for answers to the questions that you put into it.  Therefore it is important to ask for the behaviours that you want, not what you don’t want.

Asking for what you want, try some ideas out for yourself;

Tell children what you want in a positive way	What they hear	Tell children what you want in a negative way	What they hear
Would you Sit on the sofa, please	Sofa sit	‘For goodness sake can you to stop jumping on the sofa.’	Jump sofa
Will you Sit still on your chair please	Chair sit	Stop getting down from the table you naughty girl	Down table
Would you keep your hands to yourself	Hands yourself	Could you stop hitting your brother	Hit brother
Would you please walk by the pushchair	Walk pushchair
Put in your own examples below

You might think what’s wrong with saying “stop jumping”?  Well it doesn’t matter if you say “stop jumping” or “jump”, your children will hear “jump” and so they will tend to do that.  Children don’t necessarily know what you want them to do instead of jump, so you are more likely to get what you want if you are specific.

You may find that you use a negative and a positive request in the same sentence such as;

“Stay by the pushchair and stop running off”. This is confusing and far less effective than a clear positive request of “Would you please walk by the pushchair?” Therefore cut out the negative part on the end, no matter how tempting it is to say it.

You will need to gain your child’s attention and make eye contact with them before asking them to do something. Do it face to face without shouting from a distance. Ask children twice for what you want, once to ask them directly for what you want and the second time to give them a chance to do as they are asked or in case they did not understand the first time. If you ask, more often than that, children just realise that you don’t mean business until you reach the third or fourth time or however many times you ask and this will just escalate the problem. By nipping unwanted behaviour in the bud you will catch children before they get really angry and frustrated. If they do not do as they are asked after the second time, take them to the next stage which may be a fitting consequence.

For example;

• ‘Would you please pick up the bricks and put them in the box?

Pause for around 10 seconds for a response, if no response. Repeat it

• ‘Would you please pick up the bricks and put them in the box?’

No response

• Ok I am going to turn off the TV until you have picked up the bricks

If your child responds, then you can say, ‘Thank you for picking up the bricks’.

If they do not respond, go to the next step which is to give a fitting consequence.

This tip is taken from my Parent’s Guide to Children’s Behaviour online course, for all my tips and suggestions and the complete guide to children’s behaviour sign up now ……… http://biy.ly/CBDCOURSE

All the Best

Ruth